Took Claud (mountain bike, for those who have forgotten in the long intermission) out to Burgess Hill to go and see my untrainer. I had to walk at least two hills. It was sunny though and I saw the spotty rear-end of a deer that didn’t want to meet me.
16 odd miles in sufficient time to allow for an ice-age or a very small amount of evolution in something that has a lot of generations.
(Trigger warning for those who are kind or unhappy, there is a bit of over-bluntness approaching)
Visited my GP before going out on bike, took the car. Took 2 wrong turnings (it is a mile from home) lost purse, lost phone. Perhaps I should not drive too much?
The mental health team will apparently contact me (if this is an urgent referral I do worry about those who are not urgent, aeons will not cover it). This is after our ‘chat’ on Saturday. As the building they use is understaffed at the weekend, you have to stand outside until the time of your appointment. While I understand that they need to adhere to safety standards and that mental health patients could do just anything; standing outside in 2c waiting for an appointment to discuss how much you want to die, is a shitty thing to do. People are worth more than that.
But from a more optimistic perspective, my GP who is slightly more thoughtful wants me to just get out there and exercise (preferably run), just do it. That is what he associates with health in me, and to be honest, what I do too. So I have bought Gertie some all season tyres (she had summer tyres which were smooth as a baby’s bottom), have washed both bikes, lubed them, told them I love them. And will try and get my fat arse out this holiday. Running is hard, it is so close to my whole self-esteem, I am too scared to do it at the moment . Cycling is just transport on machinery that I am fond of.
Reading, that was what it was about I remember! Sunbathing in the Rain a gentle and happy book about depression, that contains no positive thinking whatsoever (positive thinking makes me tell people to fuck off). And at the moment; Teach us to Sit Still, which is about a chap with well, abdominal issues. It is a very interesting read from the perspective of those who want a scientific perspective, but are aware that it doesn’t cover everything. It is for sceptical buggers.
And to the daft and lovely people who said I was brave, I really am not. I am the biggest chicken on the planet. I spend hours hiding from people, really I do. But your support is fantastic, big snog. x